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On bringing sexy back …
Image by hortense.r
On Sunday, January 18, yours truly and hollacheeks witnessed ourselves a little Justin Timberlake. Gentle reader, a few questions should immediately spring to your mind: Justin Timberlake, in Charlottesville? You and hollacheeks? You’re how old? Why? And how much did you spend on this when you could have been buying cute shoes and skirts for spring? Or contributing towards the fight against poverty and inequality?
Let me start by saying that I’ve seen two "arena" shows: U2 in 1992 and REM sometime in the mid 1990s. I don’t think all those sun-drenched outdoor festivals count as arena shows. My very first show was Crystal Gayle and Alabama at the Columbus Auditorium in 1983 – not really arena, but closer to one than my most frequented establishments in Athens, Atlanta, or Austin. I went to private school in the late 1980s, so I didn’t experience pop music in the prime of my girl-ish screaming youth (never understood New Kids or my best friend’s undying love for Poison’s Brett Michaels).
College radio, some few years in Austin and Athens, blah blah blah and now I’m jaded and sleepy. Charlottesville is not a Friday night sort of town — no one worth my money and sleep swings through on a weeknight. I’m a working girl who can’t hold more than 4 week night beers without leaving early to sleep in the backseat of the car while my younger man sticks it out in an effort to prolong his youth and upstage my resilience.
So Justin Timberlake and I were seemingly made for each other. Direct references to Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean? Check. Timbaland present? Check. Show started at 8:30 and was over at 11:00? Check. Seats? Check. Lots of beer with hollacheeks beforehand? Check. We skipped Pink like it was 2001 and she was Of Montreal.
I didn’t plan for the 20,00 squealing / screaming preteen girls who filled the arena with their mothers. I don’t know what I expected, but at one point hollacheeks and I simultaneously looked at the 12 year old screaming girl standing next to me — just to squeeze in a split second observation of her masterful performance. She looked back, suddenly stopped dancing, and froze her face in this horrible omg-they’re-judging-me way and shrank to her seat. I had completely forgotten what it was like to be 12 years old and the most insecure, pitiful thing in the world. It was really sad.
Back to Justin, some basic thoughts: the show was really egalitarian — Timberlake wasn’t set up to be any more exciting than his back-up dancers. In addition to never being a girl in a booty rap video and never playing Wimbledon, I will never be a Justin Timberlake backup dancer (it looked like fun!). We needed more Timbaland, but that’s just what the world needs now. Overall, it was the company that couldn’t be beat. I clung to hollacheeks a mere two weeks ago when I was certain that the Southwest Airlines pilot was going to crash us into the BWI runway; on Sunday night we shared some special moments, ranging from lots of beer to frightening preteen girls to seeing in the flesh the Timberlakemagic. Good times.
My Speech
Image by sevitz
My brother weighs 55 kilograms. He ain't heavy, he's my brother.
I don't know what Zoey weighs, but she's not heavy, and I'm proud to welcome her into the family as my sister …. Finally we will have a Sevitz who can sing
My brother is a very lucky man today. I'm sure everyone here is a little bit jealous. If you think about how few people have a such a good looking, intelligent, fun, witty, charming, awesome, humorous and all round fantastic …. brother who they can ask to be their best man. Zoey of course also has these attributes in spades, and to this we can add beautiful, pretty, gorgeous and someone who is lovely to be around.
I must be honest I don't know Zoey as well as I would like to, having moved to London before my bother and her started dating. Of course Zoey is one of those extremely friendly people who are really easy to get along with, and it's been a pleasure meeting and getting to know her these last few years.
Zoey is also called Zoo. Either it's because of her love of animals, … or more likely because my brother doesn't know how to do deel tekkens on the keyboard.
My brother Jonathan, is also called Jon. But only by his friends and only when my mother isn't around. When we were growing up , if a friend called and ask to speak to Jon my mother would say – "no one by that name lives here" – and would hang up the phone. I'm not sure how many social arrangements my brother missed out on as a result but he then adopted the nickname of Nodge, which is Jon spelt backwards. In hindsight I think my mother should have let his mates call him Jon.
Let me give you a little flavor, a potted history if you like of Nodge, Jon, Jonathan, my brother …
One day when we were kids, during a family braai we decided to play hide and seek. When it was Jonathan's turn to hide, we counted to the requisite number and started looking for him. After about half and hour we couldn't find him at all, and went to watch TV or do something else.
Several hours pass and the grown ups ask where Jonathan is. We said we didn't know, that we were playing hide and seek and couldn't find him so gave up. Naturally this worried the parents and all the adults walked around calling out his name to try find him. My brother could hear his name being called but assumed we were just trying to trick him into losing and stayed hidden.
More time passes. More worry ensues. Eventually, just shy of calling the police to report him as missing – he was found. Quietly standing … as he had been for the last 4 plus hours … not moving …. behind the curtain in his bedroom.
And that's my brother. He doesn't look competitive but likes winning in the never give up, even if you have to stand not making a noise … perfectly still … behind a curtain. For 4 hours.
My brother's also the kind of person who's intensely loyal and high on my list of people to come bail me out of jail should I ever need it. As way of example, when I was last in South Africa, we were stuck the Vaal river, and fancied coming back to early. Jonathan kindly came and picked us up, on a Friday, in rush hour, from the Vaal. Which isn't something anyone wants to be doing on a Friday afternoon.
Although I have also been told that when Zoey asked the same thing of him, he said no. So maybe this loyalty is related on the fact I'm a blood match, if he ever needs a kidney. I mean there Zoey was, locked in her bedroom – in fear for her life. She phones Jonathan and says he he has to come help her. Now. Right now. Jonathan says No, he's just landed in Durban. Zoey nearing tears, insists Jon get on the next flight, and comes to save her. Jon holds steadfast and says firmly, no, she's going to have man up, get a weapon, unlock the bedroom door, deal with that spider herself.
Growing up, my brother and I were quite different. If we were given three sweets, mine would be gone in about 7 seconds. Jonathan would manage to make his last several hours. Which as an older brother is about the most frustrating thing on the planet. In fact to this day I'm not entirely unconvinced he didn't do this just to annoy me.
As he grew up my brother my brother excelled through out school scoring well academically showing that my claims to be the smart good looking one in the family where only half true.
My dad tells me that when it came to his matriculation, he vaguely mentions that he thinks he might have won some award. "Some award" turned out to 6 separate academic awards for excellence, as well as being named "dux scholar". I'm not sure if that means we can add "humble" to the list of his attributers, or just oblivious.
Leaving school, my brother took a year off and went to Israel with Netzer. After spending a year in Israel with about two dozen Australians, the main thing my brother appeared to learn was how to walk around the house in dirty underwear whilst belching and breaking wind a lot. Fortunately for Zoey we broke him of this habit and off he went to study at Wits, in the family tradition; engineering.
Continuing to show me up academically, he followed this with a masters in environmental engineering. For this I am actually quite grateful, as it's allowed me the excuse of being shoddy at recycling by claiming that karma wise having an environmental engineer as a brother compensates. To date this excuse has not held water with my girlfriend, but I remain eternally the optimist.
Somewhere during this time he went on holiday with a few friends from Netzer. One of those friends was a girl called Zoey who he had met about 10 years prior, at camp. At the time he met Zoey he was dating someone else and him and Zoey just became friends. He was also "just friends" when he went on this holiday with Zoey. He was not, "just friends" when he returned. Which all in all was a good thing as it leads us to today.
My brother also has a love for adventuring. He enjoys the outdoors , hiking and I recall him taking up canoeing at one point. Clearly this is something Zoey shares, a highlight of which is their climb of Kilimajro a few years back. From what I understand it's the kind of achievement made slightly easier by the dog minded personality of someone who can stand behind a curtain for 4 hours.
Of course this stubbornness has also led my brother to do things like getting his car stuck on a sandbank. And then after getting towed to safety, driving right back onto it and getting stuck again.
So that's my brother. Academically gifted, loyal, steadfast, reliable, moderately stubborn, an adventurer and working for the greater environmental good of society. All in all for all the fights, and veribbles and sibling rivalry I couldn't ask for a better brother, nor could I claim not intensely proud of my brother and his achievements. I have no fears or worries for him or the future, as I know not only will he achieve everything he wants to but a great deal more to boot.
Zoey whilst my brother is the kind of person who will land up getting your perfume confiscated at airport security, stuck on sandbanks and never cook you anything more complex than a slice of toast, he will never let you down in anything that really matters. As someone who has lived with him far longer than you, I can safely say, your life will always be entertaining, always full of humor and you'll have someone by your side who will always love you.
Of course this does lead me to ask … when he is at your side, what do you talk about. I'm not entirely sure it's each other. Let me explain
On the stag do, we asked him a few dozen questions in the format of "What would Zoey say if asked the following question and then got Zoey to answer all the questions before the event. For example, What would Zoey say if asked "What is Jonathan's favorite ice cream".
My brother got somewhere in the region of 80% of the answers wrong, which is quite a spectacular fail rate. This did however reveal the following …
Zoey knows more about my brother, than my brother knows about … himself.
My brother agreed with all of Zoey's answers upon hearing the correct answer. I suspect this is the secret to a long and stable relationship. God knows I've not yet learnt this lesson.
My brothers favorite ice cream is not fudge as he thought but mango as Zoey correctly established.
If my brother was a super hero he would be "Excel-man – saving the world one spreadsheet at a time.". In other news my brother needs to perhaps get out slightly more.
Both Jon and Zoey's ideal night out is dinner and a movie. Which is one of the few questions he got right. And probably just as well.
and finally … It would be considered highly romantic if my brother purchased a 4×4 for Valentines day.
It was also reveled by Jon's friends that he goes to gym a lot more when interested in a girl. Zoey I've checked up on his gym records since he met you, and his attendance has been exemplary. I think you might be in there.
I started this speech with title of the Hollies song "He ain't heavy, he's my brother."
The song starts with these words
The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows when
The road so far has brought you to each other. The next winding turns and bumps, potholes, traffic calming zones and robots that are out of order is the next step in this journey. Aside from Jon's tendency to get lost, and Zoey's map reading I have a lot of faith for your future on this road together.
My only advice I feel you need for an enduring relationship is this. Buy a satnav.
That aside, the love and affection you have for each other is obvious. Keep this as your bedrock and you'll be fine.
If everyone could all please rise I'd like to make a toast to my brother and his lovely wife.
… everyone rises …
"to the bridge and groom" … "to the bridge and groom"
And with that, I'd like to introduce my brother. Who will thank me profusely for being awesome. He might also say a few nice things about Zoey.
——-
Note I spelt Zoë name as Zoey so I would pronounce right and not say Zo (rhyming with Low)
Just Some Random A-Hole…
Image by Joe Plocki (turbojoe)
You probably can’t really tell from looking at this, but the Gemini symbol is atop a 8 or 9 foot stone thing with organizations and names inscribed in it. They are, to the best of my knowledge, the contributors to the Gemini space program. Right after I got to the park, a group of 4 or 5 teenagers showed up, and the guy pictured above figured he’d just climb on up there. Shortly after, the girl climbed up there, too.
Funny side note… I know I’m getting old, because when I walked by, the guy was talking about getting all the way on the top, and I just could not stop myself from saying "I think I’d be more careful up there than climbing to the top." Or something lamer like that. Even more amusing is the boy and the girl both looked at me and said in unison, "oh, we’re being careful." First of all, like I really gave a crap one way or the other. Secondly, like they had to answer to me in any way… what the heck?
So, I’m walking by, and the kids are asking their friends to take a picture. I stood there and watched, with thousands of dollars of photography gear strapped to my person, and they looked at me and asked if I wanted to take a picture. Then, the boy on the monument pointed at me, and said "hey, is that your dad?" Thanks, dude – I ain’t that old… And again, lamer response "No, I’m just some random dude." Gimme a break, I was tired.
So, obviously, I took their picture, and went about my business (which was to retrieve the tripod I left leaning against the rear wheel of my car – kind of need that – I was waaay tired – I even had to go back for the other tripod I put on the ground while I was taking this picture before I could go back to the car to get the other tripod).
On the way back into the park, the kids are off the monument, so I set up the tripod to take some pictures of it (the lighting sucks – too bright in some areas, nonexistent in others, won’t be seeing those). As I’m fiddling with the camera, one of the kids, barely within earshot says something, and the part I hear is "No, just some random asshole." Heheheheh. For some reason, I think that’s funny.
So, I posted this photo of those zany kids on the Gemini monument, just so I could tell you the story.
My video of this launch is here.
Tags:best, girls, Nice, photos, today
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